I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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