So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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