So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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