these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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