just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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