feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
