Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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