OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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