i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
