she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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