I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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