So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
