this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
