dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
