I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
