i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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