btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
