You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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