I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was CRYING into my vagina
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
