Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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