I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
