i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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