does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
