Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
