Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
