That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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