You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
