It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
