Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
