how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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