She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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