Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
