Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
