The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
