She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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