I need to stop coming to work sober
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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