I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
