My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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