whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
