Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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