I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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