I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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