I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
