we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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