i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
