she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
