Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
