Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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