I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
