her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
