he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
