Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
