yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
how does that bad decision feel?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
