my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
