if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
