Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
