You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
