At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
